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Ok, I will admit that I used to have more tolerance for the stupid questions and assumptions that vanilla people make about swingers. I understood that this was a concept that took time to grasp. What has changed? Why have I lost patience with this? Perhaps is because the internet provides a safe place for people to gain knowledge about things they do not understand. It isn’t hard to google a question and see what others have to say. Reading forums, blogs and listening to podcasts is enough to help anyone to gain insight into things they are unfamiliar with, right? Then why do vanilla people still make assumptions about a lifestyle they do not comprehend? Clearly, they have not taken the time to do their homework. It is rare that I hear someone in the lifestyle talk negatively about friends or family members who are monogamous. We simply shrug our shoulders and declare that to be their choice. Although vanilla people might believe otherwise, most swingers do not have a tremendous interest in converting others; educating yes, converting, no. Like most people in the lifestyle, we have to share our time with people from both worlds. We are often with lifestyle friends and partying in clubs but we also have to take time to be with family and friends who are not in the lifestyle. Some family members and some friends know that we are swingers. This is where the questions come from… If you really love each other, why do you need to have sex with other people? Doesn’t it make you jealous to see your husband/wife being intimate with another person? Obviously, what you are doing is not normal, which is why everyone else is not doing it. Have you thought about that? What happens when one of you falls in love with someone you are swinging with? How would you feel if others found that you two are swingers? These seem to be the core, recurring questions. After spending over 15 years in the lifestyle, we have discovered an easy way to answer these questions. First of all, how many couples who are in a long term relationship are 100% faithful? Although we would like to believe that most married or committed couples are faithful, the truth is, the vast majority are not. This makes answering the above questions take on a new twist. Often times, we have noticed that people are quick to pass judgement without understanding the facts. We insist that if people truly want to hear what we have to say, people must be open to listening to our responses. Let us begin with question number 1: If you really love each other, why do you need to have sex with other people? As most swingers have figured out, love and sex are not mutually exclusive. Sharing your life with someone is simply not something one can compare to a night of random sex. Sex is a physical act while love comes from the heart. You do not need to love someone to have sex with them. Honestly, you do not have to like, or even know someone, to have sex with them. More importantly, we do not ‘need’ to have sex with others, we choose to do this. The majority of swingers will tell you that sex with their partner is great. What they are looking for is variety and excitement. Both of these add to their shared sex life. What’s important to point out here? We do it together, not behind each other’s back. Doesn’t it make you jealous to see your husband/wife being intimate with another person? The answer to this question always surprises vanilla people. No, it does not make us jealous. There is a word swingers seem to understand that vanilla people cannot: compersion. (urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Compersion). ( Ironically, this word is not found in a standard dictionary.) It means: A feeling of joy when a loved one invests in and takes pleasure from another romantic or sexual relationship. It is exciting to see your partner with someone else. We have been programmed to think otherwise but the reality is quite stimulating! Obviously, what you are doing is not normal, which is why everyone else is not doing it. Have you thought about that? This one sounds like something your parents would say upon learning you are swingers. Our response: define normal. We never try to tell people that what we do is right for everyone, but we do believe people should decide what works for them. Nobody needs outside interference in their personal lives. We both understand that if you have never been in the lifestyle, it is a foreign concept. Most people have a hard time wrapping their minds around the idea. However, if they were honest, many would like to give it a try. Not because they don’t love their significant other, but the thought of having sex with someone else is erotic and exciting. Especially if their spouse is on board with it. What happens when one of you falls in love with someone you are swinging with? Unfortunately, this is something that can happen whether someone is in the lifestyle or not. We can never predict when two people will meet and fall in love. It can happen anywhere between any two people. Does it happen more often between swingers? No, it definitely does not. Swingers generally enter the lifestyle looking to enjoy sex with other people. Not because they don’t love their partner or because they are looking for someone with whom to share their life. Does the added intimacy of having sex with someone heighten the risk or the chances of this occurring? Not when it is done properly. For us, after a night with another couple, we return home with each other and back to our lives. We close the door and leave that world behind. How would you feel if others found out that you two are swingers? Neither of us would really care. Honestly, we keep it quiet for our families. We do not want to cause problems for our children or our parents. We feel that what we do in our private lives is personal. Some of our friends know and others do not. We are not ashamed to be swingers. As a matter of fact, it is quite the opposite! Most people we know who are in the lifestyle, have been swinging for years. They have also encountered curiosity seekers and been asked many questions regarding the lifestyle. It is only natural for people to want to understand how we can remain happily married while seeking out sex with others. What is important to us, is to make sure the person asking realizes that it is something we do as a couple. Swinging requires honesty, openness and communication. When a couple incorporates those three things into their relationship, the lifestyle will not cause problems. It seems there will always be people who are skeptical about the lifestyle. The best we can do is to be prepared for the questions and comments. Listen to their views and then ask them to listen to yours. It certainly won’t change most people’s minds, but it might give them some food for thought. Looking for lifestyle jewelry? Our symbol is the official symbol for swingers, and is recognized around the world. Stop wondering, start playing... Find it here: https://www.partnersid.com/etsy-shop

Sunny Florida was anything but sunny this past Sunday, and so my hubby and I settled in for some Netflix. Cruising through the “things you might like” section we stumbled across a series called Sex/Life. Sounded like something we would enjoy, so we clicked to watch. What is so interesting about this show, is how it portrays the importance of sex and intimacy in any solid relationship. The summation of the show is that this beautiful woman, who appears to have it all, is actually miserable in her marriage. She loves her husband and is very attracted to him, but he has become caught up in his role as father and provider and has lost interest in her as a woman. The show hones in on the sexual appetite and desires of this married woman. After 8 years of marriage, she begins to fantasize about an old lover with whom she had intense sex. Like this is missing from her life, it becomes a constant thought for her. She decides to write about her past relationship with her former erotic boyfriend and her husband finds and reads it. Rather than lashing out, he tries to recreate this erotic and reckless sexual behavior to satisfy her. What it made me realize, was how he needed to remember that other men found his wife sexually desirable for him to look at her this way as well. Watching this show made me think about why swinging is so helpful for some relationships. It doesn’t matter how attractive or sexy anyone is, after a while, people want something different. It is not because couples stop loving each other, but rather because people get bored. Swinging allows couples to get back to a place where they can be sexual again. There is something about the lifestyle that brings couples closer. Men watch their wives ( and vice versa) flirting and teasing other men and it puts them in a new light. All of the sudden you see your significant other the way you remember them when you met. It creates a new spark and you find yourself enjoying watching them play with others, knowing that you will get to do so afterwards. The lifestyle brings passion back into relationships that originated with this. It brings couples to remember that work and family and paying bills is only one piece of who you are. The other piece is this naughty couple who are looking for fun together. Sneaking around, laughing at almost being caught by vanilla friends and family who would never understand. The bond it creates strengthens what you already have together. Even when couples opt to enjoy the lifestyle without swinging. They benefit from the atmosphere which is warm and sexual. I imagine if the couple in this show were to try swinging. It seems that they could have it all. Rather than one of them looking outside of their marriage to fulfill their needs, they would be looking together. The lifestyle is not for everyone but I personally believe many couples would benefit from it. Looking to find other couples? Try wearing our lifestyle jewelry. Partners ID is the only lifestyle jewelry recognized around the world. Find it here: www.PartnersID.com

Being in the lifestyle for many years, I am always surprised by how much I continue to learn. Today I would like to explore the importance of body language and nonverbal cues. What are nonverbal cues? They are the signs you send to others without speaking. The way you listen, communicate, make eye contact (or not), and your facial expressions all convey a message to others. Body language also conveys a lot about how a person is feeling. When you meet someone and they lean in to kiss your cheek, firmly shake your hand or embrace you in a hug, they are conveying interest. Smiling, a light touch of your hand on the persons arm, showing interest in what they have to say are all positive signs. Here is an example of the importance of using non-verbal cues to convey interest in the lifestyle. This weekend my husband and I went to a swing club. We were having drinks when a couple we have met a few times stopped to greet us. The woman warmly kissed my husband and let her hand linger on his arm. She was smiling and looking into his eyes when he spoke. The man, on the other hand, quickly kissed my cheek and backed up. They stayed for a brief time making small talk during which time the man never made eye contact with me. Later on in the evening, we were approached by this couple on the dance floor. She backed up against my husband and my husband responded by putting his hands on her hips and dancing with her. She soon turned and began to dance with him. I turned toward her husband who half heartedly danced with me, again, never making eye contact. When we reached the playroom later in the night, this couple was waiting for us. Obviously I knew the woman was interested in my husband but I dreaded what the situation would be like for me. My husband suggested we make excuses and walk away but I decided to stay with them. We sat together on a couch and my husband sat in front of me and the woman on the floor, gently rubbing her legs. I looked over to her husband and he was making no attempt to interact with me. Figuring I had nothing to lose, I got up and went over to him. I sat down and touched his leg. This was all it took for him to come to life. He completely changed and we played together with no problems. Afterwards, he told me he was hoping we would come into the playroom so he could play with me. Do you see the problem here? Obviously, I was totally shocked because his actions all evening truly made me think he had zero interest and he was simply following his wife. If only he had given me some indication earlier in the night! He honestly had no idea that I felt that we was disinterested. When I told him we almost avoided playing with them because of the way I felt, he was shocked. What’s the take away? We spend a lot of time primping and dressing to make a good impression on others when we attend lifestyle events. Although good grooming and dressing well is always important, it is not everything. You can be the best looking person at any given event, but if you are not warm and friendly, all bets are off. Nobody likes working hard to win someone over. We generally size people up in the first few minutes of meeting them. When someone is friendly and shows interest, it makes us feel good and we tend to like them more. Try it… Looking to find other swingers? Try wearing our internationally recognized jewelry. Find it here: www.PartnersID.com Partners ID is the only lifestyle jewelry recognized around the world.

I often tell people that every night at Trapeze is like New Year’s Eve. The crowd is alive, they are fun, they are sexy and they are happy. There’s music, dancing, eating, drinking, sex and breakfast. If that isn’t fun, I am not sure what is! Trapeze is known for their theme nights and have incorporated a steel drummer into the mix for International Night on Wednesdays. Not only is the drummer great at playing the drums, but he is hot and engaging. The vibe is electric with many people taking to the dance floor to join in the fun. This particular hump night was more memorable than most. As the night was getting started and the crowd was heating up, two beautiful twin like dancers made their way to the dance floor. As they mingled with the guests on the dance floor a stilted robotic dancer with flashing neon lights appeared on the scene. As he made his way through the crowd to the dance floor, all eyes were on him. Before long, the dance floor was packed as the crowd danced with the dancers and then began a train which ended with a limbo under the stilted dancers legs. All the while the music and drums kept the beat and the dance floor was sprayed with blasts of cold air and confetti. The atmosphere was electric and euphoric. The crowd was connected and people were dancing throughout the entire club. This lasted for over an hour or two (hard to remember, it was so much fun). This is one of the reasons Trapeze remains among the best swing clubs in the world. Every night is special, every night is different but every night is fun!

I would be willing to bet that almost every person in the world who looks in the mirror sees at least one flaw with their body. For some people, it might be nothing more than a small blemish, while for others, it can be a major disfigurement. This can be a serious impediment in enjoying the lifestyle. Every person in the lifestyle would like to have a healthy self image but for some, it can be a real struggle. For these individuals, the issue is about more than an extra five pounds or a breakout the day of an event. The types of individuals I am talking about have more serious conditions which makes removing their clothing a whole different ballgame. Body disfigurement is when a person’s appearance has been deeply and persistently harmed, such as from a disease, birth defect, or wound. People with these types of conditions can suffer greatly with self image, making the lifestyle a genuine struggle for them. Imagine how difficult everyday life is when dealing with these types of issues. Now think about how much more difficult a social situation might be. Consider how hard it is for them to have to undress in public and how much harder it is for them to feel confident enough to try to swing. Whether the person is an amputee, has a visible skin condition, or large scars from surgeries, disrobing can be difficult. While we would like to think adults would be kind enough to treat them the same as we would anybody else, this is not always the case. The last thing anyone with this type of issue wants is for others to stare. Perhaps the best way to try to mask some of these issues is to wear items of clothing or lingerie into the playroom. Discreetly covering scars or some deformities can be more easily achieved than others. Amputees can make use of towels or robes to cover the affected limb. This can help ease their discomfort in front of others. While this might solve their discomfort somewhat, there is the still the issue of playing with others. Having worked with people with disabilities and physical deformities in the past, I know how difficult these situations can be for them under normal circumstances. The lifestyle is an extreme example of an obstacle for them to overcome. Even if they are totally comfortable with their bodies, others might not be. So how best to handle this? Some people might prefer to say something up front so there are no surprises and they can gauge the comfort level of a potential play partner. Others might prefer to attempt to conceal whatever they might have. It is an individual decision that each person must decide upon. Regardless of how they approach this, there is no doubt that they are hoping for an understanding and compassionate playmate. If you find yourself in a position where you are either playing or about to play with someone who has a genuine body issue, try to see things from their perspective. Reacting to a person with any type of disfigurement with shock or disgust is both cruel and immature. Always be respectful of everyone and remember that people have to go through things that perhaps you have been lucky enough to avoid. Between burns, cancers and accidents, many people will have some type of visible scars or deformities. To ease the anticipation of how others might respond to you if you have a disability or condition of any kind, it might help to meet people online first. This gives you the opportunity to weed out those who can’t handle things like this. It can always be a footnote in your profile, or simply mention it to those you communicate with that you are interested in meeting in person. This way if someone agrees to meet you, you know they have no issue with it. Most people who decide to be in the lifestyle with body issues such as these are pretty confidant people. They are willing to put themselves out there knowing that others might reject them. Can you do me a favor? If you encounter someone with any kind of body issue, give them a break. Kindness goes a long way to helping others feel good about themselves.

My husband and I have been together for 12 years. I met him in a dive bar years ago. We were both drunk, he was hot and we ended up together in a bathroom stall. This is who we were then and we have not changed much. The two of us pretty much do our own thing. No secrets is our only rule. We tried traditional swinging and such but it wasn’t for us. I am not a fan of swing clubs or hotel takeovers because of the predictability. Everyone knows the routine and I prefer spontaneity. With my husband’s blessing, I am a hotwife. I am always on the prowl for a hot guy looking for a quick fuck. Trust me I could tell you stories all day long about some of the crazy things I’ve done. Sometimes the guys I meet are awesome, I’ve also met my share of total dicks. My husband is on the road for business pretty often and this gives me lots of time to myself. (Just thinking about that makes me smile.) So here is why I am writing to you: I was looking for some kind of symbol that alerted men to the fact that I’m looking to play. Unsure of what that might be, I did some research and came across your website. As I did not want to advertise that I am a swinger per se, I spotted your vixen charm. The girl that helped me was sweet and I decided to put the charm on a necklace with the swinger pendant. I figured between the two, someone would know what I was looking for! With the necklace around my neck I headed out to a busy happy hour in a business district not far from home. I will say, almost every man who talked to me at the bar asked me about the necklace. Even if they did not know what it meant from seeing it, it did give me the opportunity to tell them! What a fun night that was! A few weeks after it arrived (I wear it all the time), I stopped for a drink on my way home one night. A man came up to me and ran his hands through the back of my hair. As I turned to see who it was, I noticed he was wearing a bracelet with the pendant. Not the first time I was in a bathroom stall with a stranger! I don’t even know his name but what a great time we had! After this experience I had to order a bracelet for my husband. Hopefully he will have as much luck and I will be writing about his story! Great jewelry! Kisses to you all~ Amanda The Vixen

Dear Partners ID, First we want to thank you for your patience when working with our group. We know it was not easy to please us all, but everyone was very professional and kind throughout the process! The outcome is exactly what we had hoped for! We live in a part of the country where people have no tolerance for swingers. It is a religious area and we were brought up to understand that sex is strictly between a husband and a wife. Without the internet, we would never have had access to other swingers simply because there are no clubs for hundreds of miles. Our need for the jewelry was not to find new swingers (although if that happens we will be thrilled) but to be able to find each other. There are about 25 couples in our little secret group and we try to get together at least once a month. What we discovered is that although we sometimes cross paths during our daily outings, we don’t always recognize one another. None of us look exactly the same as we do when we are all dazzled up for a night out! One time, thought I spotted one of the women while out shopping, but I was not sure and so I did not approach her. That was when we started to think about wearing some kind of jewelry that only we would recognize. My husband and I are planning a trip to Texas this summer to visit some family. Hopefully, the jewelry will help us to find some playmates while traveling! Great concept and beautiful jewelry! Thanks Partners ID! Meghan and Rex

The original title for this article was actually “Swinging with Children” but when I went back to edit it, I was afraid the Feds would come knocking at my door. For that reason the title had to be changed to “Swinging when you have children.” Anyone who is in the lifestyle and has children, quickly discovers the challenges involved in juggling this ‘double life’. There are a number of interesting things to consider when you have children and this does not just apply to small children. When you start swinging and your children are young, the biggest obstacle is generally child care. It quickly becomes apparent that if you are planning to stay out until 2 or 3 in the morning, babysitters can create small problems. Although most will never ask, many savvy babysitters will wonder where you are going that stays open that late. Grandma and Grandpa are great but they are only going to have sleep overs so often! Another problem is that after having wild sex and getting dressed to return home, you probably do not look as put together as you did when you left your house. There are times your hair will be wet from sweating, your shirt will be buttoned wrong, your fly might not be zipped back up or you are wearing something inside out. That is only if you can return home in what you wore while you were out. Many of us must change our clothing either in the garage or in the car because we would never be caught dead in our “hooker” clothes! With young children, another problem is that they do not really care how late you were out the night before. They get up before the sun and you are going to have to pay for that! Other than that, young children might be less complicated to handle than older ones when you swing. When your children are a little bit older but still live at home, the problems can be even more challenging. First off, where to hide your swinger clothes? It helps to have a spare closet with a lock on it (and even then), your children will find it. I can remember my kids telling my mother how many pairs of “hooker shoes” I own. These shoes were in a locked closet that has a key that I thought was well hidden. Apparently I was wrong. Sneaking out of the house with a change of clothing can also become tricky. If you think your children won’t notice that you are wearing something under your sweater, trust me, they will. After many attempts to fool them, I discovered the only way is to plan ahead. When the kids are not home, plan your outfit out ahead of time and put it in the trunk of your car or hide it in the garage. Returning home with older kids can also pose a big challenge. They never go to sleep! No matter how late you come home, somehow they are always awake and you cannot avoid them. This means you must change back into the clothing you left the house in and make sure you don’t look like a hot mess! Be prepared to answer the question they will inevitably ask: where were you until this hour and who were you with? If you are out swinging often, it starts to become a challenge! Teenaged children are aware that nothing stays open so late. Somehow, we imagined that when our children were old enough to leave home we would be able to enjoy the lifestyle without a care in the world. We deserve this, no? Well, unfortunately the grown children present their own set of challenges for us. First of all we have to consider that one day they could show up in a swing club or at a lifestyle event all on their own. Now multiply your children by the number of friends they have. They too, might stumble upon the club we frequent one night! Secondly, they would like us to babysit from time to time but we are never available. They say they don’t mind going out later. We can just come by when we return home to watch the kids for a few hours…Yes, we will be back around 3am if that works for you. They ask for itineraries when we travel but we cannot provide one because we are headed out on a lifestyle cruise or to a swinger resort. Eventually they will borrow your phone and ask why all your friends have no last names or the same (code) last name. Yes, the lifestyle certainly presents challenges from day one when you have children. You must learn to be creative and most importantly to plan ahead. Make sure you and your spouse discuss what story you will tell as it’s very important to relay the same story! Unfortunately, at some point there will be questions and strange looks as your children are much smarter than you think. It’s all in fun and it keeps the lifestyle interesting! The holidays are fast approaching! Our lifestyle jewelry makes the perfect gift for all of your lifestyle friends! Check out our new upside down pineapple charm and more here: www.PartnersID.com

My husband and I have been in the lifestyle for many years. We strictly play with other couples. Personally, I am not interested in single play and he shows no real interest in watching me play with single men or women. He likes to be involved and so we happily play with other couples. As an observer, single men look to have a difficult time in the lifestyle. In swing clubs, they roam around the front of the club trying to keep themselves busy. Many linger at the bar trying to meet couples while others do laps around the club in the hopes of initiating conversation along the way. From where I sit, the majority are unsuccessful and I genuinely sympathize with them. Then, last night, I spotted a single guy standing by the dance floor. It was hard not to notice him. What made this man stand out? Although I will admit he was good looking, so were many other single men in the club that evening. Here is the difference: He was clean and well dressed. Although he was alone, he did not appear lonely. The man was watching the dance floor, listening and moving slowly to the beat of the music. This man was a gentleman. Several women approached him. He was kind and warm without seeming eager or desperate. I never saw him gawk at any woman, he seemed confident, yet approachable. When people came close to him he smiled easily and nodded hello. He was not cocky, he kept his clothing on and buttoned, and engaged with others in a cool and respectful manner. These seem like simple and normal ways to behave, yet honestly, single men in the lifestyle rarely attract my attention, and if they do, it is for the wrong reasons. It is clear to me that successful single men in the lifestyle are doing something right. They all have recipes that keep them in good graces with both the other men and women in the lifestyle. Besides being well dressed and groomed, they are kind, considerate and careful never to step on anyone’s toes. Often, the single men we know will greet us warmly, and move on. In the past they have shown interest in me but I never lead people on. The difference between these men and others, is that they could read my nonverbal cues. Although I am warm and friendly, I do not show them any real interest and they pick up on this. On the other hand, some single men who approach us who do not know me, mistake my kindness for interest. I am always careful to let them know right away that we are not looking for single men. Not every couple (or single woman) in the club is looking for a single man. The first thing single men must master, is how to read people. Non-verbal cues are critically important in the lifestyle. If you approach someone and they warmly welcome you in, that’s a good start! When you approach someone and they are simply being polite but show a definite lack of interest, move on. You will not change anyone’s mind by being persistent. What do positive verbal cues look like? When a person has interest, they will turn towards you when they speak. They will look you in the eye. Interested people will ask you questions about yourself and smile warmly at your replies. Women who grab their husbands (or partners) by the hand or move closer to their partner is not interested. If they look away while you speak, this clearly indicates a lack of interest. Like when dating, pick up lines are corny and generally will not ingratiate you to anyone. The same goes for asking a ridiculous question, simply to start a conversation. It’s lame when men approach me at the bar and ask if this is where they go to get a drink. After too many tequilas, I might recommend the toilet in the nearest restroom… When a couple does show interest, how you manage the situation at a this point is very important. Pawing at the woman and excluding her man is not going to help you. Try establishing a warm connection with the man and seeing if he encourages you to move closer to his woman. When couples are looking for a single man, they will make it clear. Often, the husband will excuse himself to go to the restroom. That’s a good sign. He is giving you time to be alone with his wife. Be respectful and follow her lead. If you are fortunate enough to get into a play situation with a couple, make sure you pay attention the man. His demeanor will let you know what he is comfortable with. Again, if he walks away, that could indicate you will be free to play with his wife and perhaps he simply wants to watch. If he sticks close to his wife, it might be best to follow his lead or simply ask them to clarify what exactly they want. I might not seek out single men in a swing club, but the respectful ones always catch my eye. If we have a private party, we often do include single men so you never know. Single friends of mine often ask if we know any single men in the lifestyle. The ones that ingratiate themselves are easy to introduce to friends. Single men are an asset to the lifestyle. Many of them are kind and funny and genuinely good guys. It might be helpful for the less successful ones to take the time to observe the men who are getting it right. Wearing swinger symbol jewelry is really simple way to find others swingers. It also makes a great holiday gift or stocking stuffer! Shop here: www.PartnersID.com

You’ve heard the old saying that opposites attract. The quiet girls are attracted to the wild boys, the neat ones seem to attract the messy, etc. For the sake of this blog, let’s talk about the real question: If opposites attract, are people who love sex drawn to those who don’t? This seems highly unlikely, yet this seems to be a common problem between married couples. So now the question is: can a highly sexual person remain committed to a person with a low libido? We all know when we enter into a relationship, that compromises will be necessary. When you are infatuated with someone, you want to make them happy. It is so effortless at the beginning when passions are flying high. It seems normal to have a high sexual appetite at this point in any relationship. The problem is, how do you know what is ahead? Is this person having sex this often because, like you, they love sex, or are they just trying to make you happy? Are we simply ignoring the signs or are we being mislead? Personally, I think the signs are apparent right from the beginning but many people choose to ignore them. Several people I know are currently getting divorced. Guess what? All four of them are unhappy for the same reason: sex. For my highly sexual friends, there is not enough sex. On the other hand, for the low libido friends, they are sick of sex being an issue. I knew both couples prior to their marriages and neither divorce comes as a shock to me. The funny thing is, if these two couples simply switched partners, it would be perfect! Obviously I will not suggest this to either couple. What happens when couples find themselves at this impasse? Upon learning of these couples deciding to divorce, I began to consider how important sex is in a marriage. Apparently, it’s very important. When one person is constantly wanting sex while the other is never interested, how can it work? My opinion is, it can’t. If you think about it, neither person is happy. The higher sexed person feels deprived and the lesser sexual person feels obligated or simply annoyed. What’s the result? Neither person is happy, and this is understandable. Perhaps this is one of the reasons that some couples seek out the lifestyle. It allows the partner with the higher libido to satisfy his/her needs and their partner is not being lied to or cheated on. What if couples simply ignore the problem and hope it will go away? For couples who try to remain monogamous, this can lead to problems. This is possibly one of the biggest reasons for infidelity. The higher sexed partner is frustrated and looks for an outlet. The unfortunate part about this is that it is not about looking for love. It is strictly about looking for a partner with whom to have sex. Of course when the spouse finds out, the marriage is often terminated. So what’s the take away? Many couples are not sexually compatible but sex is really an important part of any long term relationship. If both partners have a diminished interest in sex, or both have high libidos, it is not an issue. It is when a couple finds that they are not on the same page sexually, that a compromise must be reached. This is where, once again, communication is key. The person with the higher sexual appetite might feel rejected and this can lead to friction between a couple. What are their options if they want address the problem? They can agree to meet each other sexually somewhere in the middle, give the lifestyle a try, remain unhappy, or they can separate. While sex is not vital to every relationship, it becomes crucial when one person desires it. It becomes a problem when this person is not getting it. We can sugar coat sex all we want, but the truth is, it can make or break a relationship. Looking for others swingers? Try wearing our lifestyle jewelry. It is the only lifestyle jewelry recognized around the world! Find it here: www.PartnersID.com

I will be honest, swinging has not always been easy for my husband and me.. When we first started the lifestyle together, I saw my husband as my shiny new toy. We had not been together long and I did not feel ready to share him. Neither of us was new to the lifestyle but we were a new couple. He seemed confused by my reaction to swinging, but agreed to take it step by step. For those hoping to get their partners into the lifestyle, this first paragraph is important. As a couple, we compromised. I agreed to be in the lifestyle and he agreed to allow me the time to sort it out. There was never any pressure to do anything I was not comfortable with, and if I felt him pushing, I let him know that I did not appreciate it. Lucky for us both, he understood that if I was not happy, I would back out of the lifestyle completely. This was not a power struggle, it was simply a husband listening to how his wife was feeling. I never played games and I often tried to push myself out of my comfort zone to make him happy. This phase lasted about two years. While we did go to swing clubs and parties, we mostly socialized with others and then played alone. At times I could sense his frustration, but he never made me feel bad. We were approached often with offers to join others but I simply was not ready. What resulted from this time was that our relationship solidified. He taught me about trust. That even if everything was not going the way he had imagined, he was by my side. My husband put me first and it was a very powerful aphrodisiac. He took the time to tell me over and over how sex and love were not intertwined. Sex with other women was a physical act, not an expression of love. Love was something he would never share with another woman, that was reserved strictly for me. When I finally felt ready to swing, I felt him by my side before, during and after each encounter. He was careful to be attentive to me even when he was playing with someone else. A simple touch of his hand let me know that he was still thinking about me, even when he was playing with someone else. At times, he would lean over and kiss me, searching my face for clues that everything was good for me. If he sensed that I was uncomfortable, he would ask if I would like to go with him to pick up some water. Although I never walked away from a couple while we were playing, his constant connection with me meant everything. He didn’t just tell me loved me more than swinging, he showed me. Each time we played with another couple, we talked about the experience and how it made me feel. I soon realized that I wanted to know the same from him. Listening to what he was feeling and experiencing was important to me. It soon became clear to me that I had cleared the hurdle. Swinging was becoming what it was supposed to be for a couple. Light and fun, but nothing more than that. Over time I have become more independent in the lifestyle. Swinging is a big part of our lives and I love it! Knowing that my husband has my back has given me the confidence in both him and me. So often I hear people asking how they can get their partner into the lifestyle. This is exactly the way to bring a partner into the lifestyle. With love, patience and understanding. No pushing or losing patience when the person is not ready to take the next step. Two years might sound like a long time, but I have no doubt that my husband has no regrets. Today, we are exactly where he imagined us to be when we married. Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship. Without it, nothing is possible. With it, anything is… Looking to swing? Try wearing our lifestyle jewelry with the swinger symbol that is recognized around the world. Stop wondering, start playing! Find it here: www.PartnersID.com

I stumbled upon an article the other day which was talking about the number of sexual partners people have had over the course of their lifetime, and what it says about them. https://onlinedoctor.superdrug.com/whats-your-number/ The article is actually quite interesting and at the same time a bit alarming. As a swinger, reading that the general population thinks that the ideal number of past sexual partners for both men and women is 7, concerns me. 7?! Seriously?! I may or may not have had sex with 7 different people in one night! Ok, I have. Don’t judge me! (Lol, nobody in the lifestyle will.) My immediate reaction to the notion that a new man in my life would want to hear that I have only slept with 7 men prior to him, was feeling a bit nauseous. I slept with 7 guys before I turned 20. What does this mean? I was (and still am) a total slut? Probably, but lucky for me, my husband appreciates the fact that I love sex as much as he does. I don’t think anyone would be surprised to learn that both men and women tended to change their true numbers slightly (at their own admission). Men tended to say they have had sex with more women than they actually have, while women tended to say they have had sex with less partners than they have. It is a surprise to me that people are still so antiquated in their thinking. Men want to be with women who love sex, but they don’t want to be with women who have been too sexually active or who are too experienced. Perhaps because I have been married for a long time I have lost touch with single stigmas, but come on people! People in their 50s, 60s and 70s are part of the baby boomer population. They believe in sex, drugs and rock and roll, don’t they? This generation was having sex, and a lot of it, back in the 60s and 70s. You mean to tell me they were part of this survey? I think not. I also would have imagined that we were no longer holding women to a different standard than men. We still think men are studs when they have many conquests while women remain sluts for doing the same. We pat men on the back for their accomplishments in bed while we shake our heads in disdain at the women with whom they are doing this. Every time I think we’ve come a long way (baby) I discover that perhaps we really have not. Even the terms we use to describe sexually adventurous women versus men have remained unchanged. One degrades the woman, while the other praises the man. According to Wikipedia, the term slut is as follows: Slut is generally a term for a woman or girl who is considered to have loose sexual morals or who is sexually promiscuous.[1][2] It is usually used as an insult, sexual slur or offensive term of disparagement (slut shaming).[2][3] It originally meant "a dirty, slovenly woman",[2] and is rarely used to refer to men, generally requiring clarification by use of the terms male slut or man whore. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slut Today, the term slut has a pervasive presence in popular culture and pornography, but is almost exclusively used to describe women. An exact male equivalent of the term does not exist. The lack of a comparably popular term for men highlights the double standard in societal expectations (gender roles) between males and females, as negative terms for sexually promiscuous males are rare.[5][14] This is one of the reasons why swinging and the lifestyle are such wonderful outlets. Nobody is judging anyone within the lifestyle. If you love sex, good for you! Curious to try something new? This is the place! Judge free zone! Everyone is free to explore their fantasies. In all of the years that I have been in the lifestyle, I have never heard anyone put a woman down for sleeping with too many men. This includes the women who like gang bangs and trains. Most people just shrug their shoulders and say whatever she’s into to; glad she’s having fun. For swingers, the standards set by the general population do not apply. Men in the lifestyle are not really interested in women who do not like sex. People are in the lifestyle for this purpose! Sexually open and adventurous women are the norm. Men seem drawn to the women who exude sex as they are certain that it will prove to be an enjoyable experience. As far as asking about or caring about how many sexual partners someone has had? I’ve never heard anyone discuss this within the confines of the lifestyle. Truth is, most people would probably laugh and say, “I have no idea, I lost count!” It fascinates me that men who are not in the lifestyle prefer women who have slept with (at most) 7 partners. They feel that more than that signifies a promiscuous woman. What the survey did not discuss was a woman’s age. What if she’s 50 and has never been married? I hope these men are open to the thought that their partner likes to masturbate. Or, open to the notion that his partner does not like sex. Either way, how do you put a number on something like this? More importantly who are they to judge? Women also think the magic number of previous partners for men is 7. For a man who is 25, I can see how this number is probably fair game. If the man is 40, I’m not so sure. Honestly, the number 7 made me laugh out loud when I heard it. Most swingers who spend every weekend in a lifestyle venue would agree that they have sex with at least 7 people each year, if not way more than that. Does this make all the women in the lifestyle a bunch of sluts? Probably to those who are not in the lifestyle. What about the men? I imagine they would simply call the men in the lifestyle “lucky”. For those who are in the lifestyle, I sincerely doubt they care. They are usually both very happy in their relationship with their significant other and with their decision to swing. I suppose if any of us find ourselves single and being asked our “number,” we have two choices: lie or look for another swinger! Looking for other swingers? Wearing our jewelry is the easiest way for others to spot you! www.PartnersID.com