My Husband Thought It Was Hot When I Kissed His Friend at the Bar: The Honesty of Swingers

The other night, my husband and I went out with friends at a bar. When we arrived, he offered his seat to the woman, who kissed my cheek and slid in beside me. Soon, the four of us were laughing and talking easily.

At one point, the man leaned toward me mid-conversation and asked, “Can I kiss you?”

“Of course,” I said.

We kissed, the other two glanced over, smiled, and went back to their conversation as if nothing unusual had happened.

And that’s when it struck me—this wasn’t unusual at all. Not for us. Because we were at a swing club, living with what I call swingers’ honesty.

How Swinging Differs From Vanilla Attraction

The kiss wasn’t the point. The honesty was.

Attraction happens to everyone. Vanilla couples, no matter how committed, often find themselves drawn to others at dinners, parties, or work events. But outside of harmless flirting, the only options are secrecy or infidelity.

Swingers’ honesty removes that burden. There’s no deceit. If the spark is there, it can be acknowledged—openly and respectfully, right in front of your partner. Instead of carrying around hidden fantasies, we get to live honestly and let them go.

When Attraction Turns Into a Secret

Years ago, a friend confessed she had a crush on another friend’s husband. They weren’t in the lifestyle, and listening to her was uncomfortable. She constantly invited them out, flirting shamelessly whenever he was around.

She wasn’t cheating, but she wasn’t being honest either. Her husband had no idea, and her friend was unknowingly caught in the middle. To me, that was unfair to both relationships.

Swingers’ honesty removes that destructive secrecy. It separates love from lust, allowing us to be free without betrayal.

Why Honesty Strengthens Relationships

Most affairs aren’t about leaving a marriage. They’re about being seen, valued, and desired. New attraction triggers endorphins—sparks of euphoria that make us feel alive and confident.

Now imagine experiencing that with your partner’s knowledge, not behind their back.

That’s what swingers’ honesty offers: trust, shared experiences, and intimacy that comes home with you afterward.

It’s no wonder research suggests swinging couples often report lower divorce rates than their monogamous counterparts.*

So, How Was the Kiss?

Perfect.

And what happened after? Let’s just say—it turned into a night to remember.

Later, as we were driving home, my husband leaned over and whispered, “By the way, I thought it was hot watching you kiss him.”

And that’s the truth of it: desire, trust, and swingers’ honesty—all wrapped up in one simple moment.

* Source: Houston Relationship Therapy – To Swing or Not to Swing

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