Being in the lifestyle for many years, I am always surprised by how much I continue to learn. Today I would like to explore the importance of body language and nonverbal cues.
What are nonverbal cues?
They are the signs you send to others without speaking. The way you listen, communicate, make eye contact (or not), and your facial expressions all convey a message to others. Body language also conveys a lot about how a person is feeling. When you meet someone and they lean in to kiss your cheek, firmly shake your hand or embrace you in a hug, they are conveying interest. Smiling, a light touch of your hand on the persons arm, showing interest in what they have to say are all positive signs.
Here is an example of the importance of using non-verbal cues to convey interest in the lifestyle.
This weekend my husband and I went to a swing club. We were having drinks when a couple we have met a few times stopped to greet us. The woman warmly kissed my husband and let her hand linger on his arm. She was smiling and looking into his eyes when he spoke. The man, on the other hand, quickly kissed my cheek and backed up. They stayed for a brief time making small talk during which time the man never made eye contact with me.
Later on in the evening, we were approached by this couple on the dance floor. She backed up against my husband and my husband responded by putting his hands on her hips and dancing with her. She soon turned and began to dance with him. I turned toward her husband who half heartedly danced with me, again, never making eye contact.
When we reached the playroom later in the night, this couple was waiting for us. Obviously I knew the woman was interested in my husband but I dreaded what the situation would be like for me. My husband suggested we make excuses and walk away but I decided to stay with them. We sat together on a couch and my husband sat in front of me and the woman on the floor, gently rubbing her legs. I looked over to her husband and he was making no attempt to interact with me. Figuring I had nothing to lose, I got up and went over to him. I sat down and touched his leg.
This was all it took for him to come to life. He completely changed and we played together with no problems. Afterwards, he told me he was hoping we would come into the playroom so he could play with me.
Do you see the problem here?
Obviously, I was totally shocked because his actions all evening truly made me think he had zero interest and he was simply following his wife. If only he had given me some indication earlier in the night! He honestly had no idea that I felt that we was disinterested. When I told him we almost avoided playing with them because of the way I felt, he was shocked.
What’s the take away?
We spend a lot of time primping and dressing to make a good impression on others when we attend lifestyle events. Although good grooming and dressing well is always important, it is not everything. You can be the best looking person at any given event, but if you are not warm and friendly, all bets are off. Nobody likes working hard to win someone over. We generally size people up in the first few minutes of meeting them. When someone is friendly and shows interest, it makes us feel good and we tend to like them more.
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