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Why swinging (now) works for us

I will be honest, swinging has not always been easy for my husband and me.. When we first started the lifestyle together, I saw my husband as my shiny new toy. We had not been together long and I did not feel ready to share him. Neither of us was new to the lifestyle but we were a new couple. He seemed confused by my reaction to swinging, but agreed to take it step by step.

For those hoping to get their partners into the lifestyle, this first paragraph is important. As a couple, we compromised. I agreed to be in the lifestyle and he agreed to allow me the time to sort it out. There was never any pressure to do anything I was not comfortable with, and if I felt him pushing, I let him know that I did not appreciate it.

Lucky for us both, he understood that if I was not happy, I would back out of the lifestyle completely. This was not a power struggle, it was simply a husband listening to how his wife was feeling. I never played games and I often tried to push myself out of my comfort zone to make him happy.

This phase lasted about two years. While we did go to swing clubs and parties, we mostly socialized with others and then played alone. At times I could sense his frustration, but he never made me feel bad. We were approached often with offers to join others but I simply was not ready.

What resulted from this time was that our relationship solidified. He taught me about trust. That even if everything was not going the way he had imagined, he was by my side. My husband put me first and it was a very powerful aphrodisiac. He took the time to tell me over and over how sex and love were not intertwined. Sex with other women was a physical act, not an expression of love. Love was something he would never share with another woman, that was reserved strictly for me.

When I finally felt ready to swing, I felt him by my side before, during and after each encounter. He was careful to be attentive to me even when he was playing with someone else. A simple touch of his hand let me know that he was still thinking about me, even when he was playing with someone else. At times, he would lean over and kiss me, searching my face for clues that everything was good for me. If he sensed that I was uncomfortable, he would ask if I would like to go with him to pick up some water. Although I never walked away from a couple while we were playing, his constant connection with me meant everything. He didn’t just tell me loved me more than swinging, he showed me.

Each time we played with another couple, we talked about the experience and how it made me feel. I soon realized that I wanted to know the same from him. Listening to what he was feeling and experiencing was important to me. It soon became clear to me that I had cleared the hurdle. Swinging was becoming what it was supposed to be for a couple. Light and fun, but nothing more than that.

Over time I have become more independent in the lifestyle. Swinging is a big part of our lives and I love it! Knowing that my husband has my back has given me the confidence in both him and me.

So often I hear people asking how they can get their partner into the lifestyle. This is exactly the way to bring a partner into the lifestyle. With love, patience and understanding. No pushing or losing patience when the person is not ready to take the next step. Two years might sound like a long time, but I have no doubt that my husband has no regrets. Today, we are exactly where he imagined us to be when we married.

Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship. Without it, nothing is possible. With it, anything is…

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