How important is sex in any lasting relationship?

You’ve heard the old saying that opposites attract. The quiet girls are attracted to the wild boys, the neat ones seem to attract the messy, etc. For the sake of this blog, let’s talk about the real question:

If opposites attract, are people who love sex drawn to those who don’t?

This seems highly unlikely, yet this seems to be a common problem between married couples.

So now the question is: can a highly sexual person remain committed to a person with a low libido?

We all know when we enter into a relationship, that compromises will be necessary. When you are infatuated with someone, you want to make them happy. It is so effortless at the beginning when passions are flying high. It seems normal to have a high sexual appetite at this point in any relationship. The problem is, how do you know what is ahead? Is this person having sex this often because, like you, they love sex, or are they just trying to make you happy?

Are we simply ignoring the signs or are we being mislead?

Personally, I think the signs are apparent right from the beginning but many people choose to ignore them. Several people I know are currently getting divorced. Guess what? All four of them are unhappy for the same reason: sex. For my highly sexual friends, there is not enough sex. On the other hand, for the low libido friends, they are sick of sex being an issue. I knew both couples prior to their marriages and neither divorce comes as a shock to me. The funny thing is, if these two couples simply switched partners, it would be perfect! Obviously I will not suggest this to either couple.

What happens when couples find themselves at this impasse?

Upon learning of these couples deciding to divorce, I began to consider how important sex is in a marriage. Apparently, it’s very important. When one person is constantly wanting sex while the other is never interested, how can it work? My opinion is, it can’t. If you think about it, neither person is happy. The higher sexed person feels deprived and the lesser sexual person feels obligated or simply annoyed. What’s the result? Neither person is happy, and this is understandable.

Perhaps this is one of the reasons that some couples seek out the lifestyle. It allows the partner with the higher libido to satisfy his/her needs and their partner is not being lied to or cheated on.

What if couples simply ignore the problem and hope it will go away?

For couples who try to remain monogamous, this can lead to problems. This is possibly one of the biggest reasons for infidelity. The higher sexed partner is frustrated and looks for an outlet. The unfortunate part about this is that it is not about looking for love. It is strictly about looking for a partner with whom to have sex. Of course when the spouse finds out, the marriage is often terminated.

So what’s the take away?

Many couples are not sexually compatible but sex is really an important part of any long term relationship. If both partners have a diminished interest in sex, or both have high libidos, it is not an issue. It is when a couple finds that they are not on the same page sexually, that a compromise must be reached. This is where, once again, communication is key. The person with the higher sexual appetite might feel rejected and this can lead to friction between a couple.

What are their options if they want address the problem?

They can agree to meet each other sexually somewhere in the middle, give the lifestyle a try, remain unhappy, or they can separate.

While sex is not vital to every relationship, it becomes crucial when one person desires it. It becomes a problem when this person is not getting it. We can sugar coat sex all we want, but the truth is, it can make or break a relationship.

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