Who's not having sex?
In the back room of a swing club this past weekend, my husband and I squeezed into a very small spot on a mattress.
Not because the surrounding couples were of interest, but simply because it was the only free spot we could find.
I couldn’t help but wonder if the back room could be any more crowded. Couples were everywhere, using every available space they could find. Many couples simply played standing up, a few occasionally backing into an emergency exit and setting off the fire alarm door.
This particular Saturday was not even a special night at the club.
SDC, Kasidie and SLS tend to bring big crowds, but they were not in the house. It was not New Years or Halloween. It was just another Saturday night at Trapeze in Fort Lauderdale.
It seemed ironic to me because that same day I had come across an article in an old Time Magazine titled, “Why are we all having so little sex?” Clearly, the word all, does not include swingers. We are not only having sex, it is standing room only!
Perhaps, once again, swingers are making a good argument for their decision to engage in consensual non-monogamy.
Sex, the way swingers are having it, is not boring or routine. It is not an obligation, nor is it a game of wait and see who initiates.
Swingers are out of the house when they are looking to play and that might be one of the most important details. Swing clubs promote sex as dessert. People come in to eat dinner, have drinks, dance and finally head into the play area.
Maybe one of the key aspects of swing clubs is that sex is not at home.
It is almost like checking into a hotel. Even couples who have fallen into a rut at home are more likely to have sex in a hotel. The scenery is different and there are less distractions. Most importantly, the kids are not there.
Couples make sure to clean up and dress smart. Women want to be sexy and men want to look hot. The whole process of getting ready is a part of the allure.
At a swing club, sex is on the menu.
You can have it if you choose, if not, that’s ok too. The temptation, like chocolate cake, is that it is available. Right behind the closed doors is an oasis of naked bodies looking for some fun. Just like the cake, maybe you will have just have a little taste or maybe, you’ll have it all!
The point is, swingers have not let the ball drop on an important aspect of both their relationship with their significant other, and their general well being. Sex is good for you. It is exercise, there’s no calories, no chemicals and they can’t do it with their smart phone or computer. It is good old fashioned face to face (if that’s how you like it) contact with another person.
You don’t hear couples in a swing club discussing whether or not they feel like having sex tonight.
What you might hear is with whom they would like to have sex.
Perhaps one of the issues regarding sex and long term relationships is not simply the routine of sex but the lack of desire you see from your partner. The beginning of many relationships is marked by lust. You simply can’t get enough of your partner and they can’t get enough of you. Sex is incredible and you want it constantly.
When couples move in together the insatiable desire tends to wane.
We do everything we can to keep the flame burning but over time, life seems to get in the way. You let your hair down and your partner does not always see you at your best.
You might try new things in the bedroom but after a while, you run out of new things to try. And let’s face it, although you love your partner, the excitement eventually dulls.
This is where swingers have it figured out.
If we swap partners, we all win. Everyone gets to be with someone new and exciting. The women and men are dressed to impress. They are hoping to attract a new person to play with but at the same time, your partner is noticing you in a new way as well!
I remember the first night my husband and I decided to go to a swing club. He looked amazing and I was wearing something way sexier than I had worn in years. We barely made it to the club because we couldn’t keep our hands off of each other in the car.
When couples break out of their routine and try something to ignite their sex lives, they might be surprised at the result.
Couples don’t swing because they no longer love their partners, it is the opposite. They want to find that spark again. Feeling beautiful, sexy and desirable is important for both men and women. Swinging is a great way to reestablish those feelings.
For many couples, swinging sounds like a bad idea. They worry that their significant other will find someone new. It is a common fear for newbies but this is not usually the case. When couples enter the lifestyle properly and with the right intention, this is very uncommon.
The real problem is for couples who are not having sex.
Even as we age and find ourselves in committed relationships, we are still human. Humans are sexual beings and naturally crave sex.
What happens when couples who no longer have sex are still looking for that validation that others find them attractive or desirable? This can be a slippery slope. Looking for validation in the wrong environment can lead to trouble. This type of behavior often leads to cheating.
The take away?
It is natural for sex to become less exciting in a long term relationship but it is not natural to stop having sex. When I read the article asking, “Why are we having so little sex,” I am quite sure I said, “Not me” out loud.
If you love your partner and are simply looking to spice things up between the two of you, swinging might be for you!
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