I Am a Unicorn: This Is My Story

This blog was written for Partners ID by Sam, a single woman in the lifestyle.

Partners ID is owned by a close friend of mine. Recently, she asked me why I chose to become a unicorn in the swinger lifestyle. She thought it might be helpful for others to hear directly from a unicorn about her reasons for entering the lifestyle as a single woman.

For those who don’t know, a 'unicorn' is a single woman who engages with couples in the lifestyle. Thinking about her question made me realize that not every unicorn is in the lifestyle for the same reason. It can be frustrating when some women misunderstand our intentions and motivations, so hopefully I can help clear up some misconceptions about why a single woman might choose to enter the lifestyle.

Navigating both the lifestyle and the vanilla world can get complicated. Imagine trying to explain what it means to be a unicorn to someone who’s never heard of it! Although, in general, we do not go around talking about what we do in our private lives.

I had a moment like that recently at work. I was in the middle of taking notes in a boardroom for a major client when I got an email that seemed to be from a close friend. Without checking the sender’s full address, I opened it during a break. To my shock, it was an explicit photo—a close-up of a man’s junk. Before I could delete it, a male coworker saw it and joked, 'Is that your new boyfriend?'

Yeah, not my proudest moment.

By day, I work a completely vanilla job with meetings, client lunches, and all the usual professional stuff. But when the weekend comes, my life shifts. I become a unicorn.

I didn’t start out solo in the lifestyle. I used to go with my boyfriend. We were regulars at our local swing club, spending at least two nights a week there. When he abruptly ended things, I was devastated. But instead of becoming bitter, I became cautious, hesitant to open my heart again.

After some time, I decided to go back to the club—alone. It was nerve-wracking. How would the women react to me now as a single woman? I wasn’t there to steal anyone’s man, but I knew how some women viewed unicorns.

To my relief, most of them welcomed me back. But a few couldn’t hide their unease when the men started paying me more attention. I wasn’t seeking it out, but as most unicorns will tell you, it’s hard to avoid.

At first, it was awkward. I needed reassurance that I still belonged there. Gradually, couples started inviting me to join them in the play room. I got invites to private parties, and men even asked me to come to the club when their wives were out of town. I declined those offers—I don’t cross that line. But it was clear people were trying to figure out what I was there for.

So, what am I really looking for? It’s simple. I love to dance, dress sexy, and have fun. I like meeting new people and having sex—sometimes with men, sometimes with women. The lifestyle lets me do all that in a safe, no-strings-attached environment. I can have an incredible night, enjoy some great sex, and then go home alone. No obligations, no expectations.

If I want one-on-one time, there’s usually a single guy eager to spend the night with a unicorn. But the best part about the club is that I’m in control. If I want a threesome, I can have one. If I want a gangbang, that’s my choice. And at the end of the night, I always leave alone.

I’m not looking for a boyfriend or husband. I’m just looking for a good time. And yes, every unicorn is different. Some are fine with playing with married men when the wives aren’t around. That’s not me. I have rules. I only play with a man if his wife is present, and I prefer it to be a threesome. I won’t date a married man—whether his wife knows or not.

Unicorns can add a lot to the lifestyle, but we have to respect other people’s boundaries. We might get more attention, but we’re just one part of the whole scene. The lifestyle existed before us and will keep going whether we’re there or not.

Interestingly, no one ever asks what single men are looking for in the club. Why the double standard? People assume unicorns want something more, but honestly, I just want to have fun, just like everyone else. I prefer my fun without strings attached. No morning-after calls, no repeat performances. I don’t need you to tell me I’m beautiful or cuddle me afterward. I’m just here to enjoy my night out.

I get that my openness can be intimidating, especially to some women. But that doesn’t make me a slut or a whore. When I was in a relationship, I didn’t feel as free to explore as I do now. Maybe that’s why it’s hard for some to understand. But it doesn’t give anyone the right to judge me.

People often ask why I’m not out looking for someone of my own. It’s a fair question. The truth is, I’m having a blast being on my own. When I’m ready for a relationship, I won’t be looking in a swing club. Maybe I’ll meet a nice single guy at a lifestyle event. Or maybe I won’t. For now, I’m perfectly happy being a unicorn.

For those of you looking to meet others in the lifestyle, consider wearing lifestyle jewelry. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve met who recognized my jewelry! You can check it out here: https://swingersjewelry.etsy.com