This blog was written for Partners ID by Sam, a single woman in the lifestyle.
Partners ID is owned by a close friend of mine. This woman recently asked my reasons for becoming a unicorn in the swinger lifestyle. She felt it would be helpful for others if an actual unicorn shared her reasons for entering the lifestyle as a single woman.
For those unfamiliar, a "unicorn" is a single woman who engages with couples in the lifestyle. Writing that piece helped clarify that not every unicorn is out to steal someone’s husband; in fact, most of us have very different motivations.
Swingers tend to keep their lifestyle discreet, and navigating both the lifestyle and the vanilla world can be challenging. Imagine trying to explain what it means to be a unicorn to someone who’s never heard of it!
Recently, I found myself in an awkward situation at work. While taking notes in a boardroom for an important client, I received an email that seemed to be from a close friend. Without checking the sender’s full email address, I opened it during a break. To my shock, the email contained an explicit photo—a close-up of a man’s genitals. Before I could delete it, a male coworker spotted the image and jokingly asked if it was my new boyfriend.
I lead a double life. By day, I’m involved in a completely vanilla job, with meetings, client lunches, and all the usual professional responsibilities. But when the weekend arrives, my life takes a different turn. I am a unicorn in the swinger lifestyle.
When I first entered the lifestyle, I wasn’t alone. My boyfriend and I were regulars at our local swing club, spending at least two nights a week there. I was deeply in love with him, so when he ended our relationship abruptly, it left me heartbroken.
But I didn’t become jaded or resentful toward men. Instead, I became cautious, hesitant to open my heart again. When I was finally ready to return to the lifestyle, I went back to the place where I had felt most comfortable—the swing club. We had built a tight-knit circle of lifestyle friends, many of whom reached out to me after the breakup.
The first night I went back alone was nerve-wracking. I wasn’t sure how the women would react to a single woman in their midst. Although I had no intention of interfering with anyone’s relationship, I knew how some women viewed unicorns with suspicion.
To my relief, most of the women welcomed me back with open arms, though a few seemed uneasy with the attention I received from the men. This wasn’t something I sought out, but as most unicorns will tell you, it’s hard to avoid.
Those first few visits were awkward. I needed reassurance that I belonged there. Gradually, couples—some familiar, some new—began inviting me to join them in the back room. Soon, I received invitations to private parties, and men even asked me to accompany them to the club when their wives were out of town. Although I declined those offers, not wanting to cross any boundaries, it was clear that people were unsure about my intentions.
So, what was I really looking for? The answer is simple: I love to dance, dress sexy, and have fun. I enjoy meeting new people and having sex—sometimes with men, sometimes with women. The lifestyle provides a safe, welcoming environment where I can do all of this without needing a date or making plans with others. I can have an amazing night, share great sex, and then go home alone, free of any obligations. I can stay out until midnight or until 4 a.m.—it’s all up to me.
If I’m in the mood for one-on-one time, there’s always a single guy eager to spend the evening with a unicorn. But the beauty of the swing club is that I’m never in a scary situation with a stranger. If I want to be with a couple, I can. If I want to experience a gang bang, that’s my choice. The best part? I leave alone.
I’m not seeking a boyfriend, husband, or anything more than a good time. That’s it, plain and simple. Of course, every unicorn is different. Some are content to play with married men, even when their wives aren’t present. I, however, have my own set of rules. I will only play with someone’s husband if she is present, and I prefer it to be a threesome. I won’t date a married man, with or without his wife’s permission.
Unicorns can add a lot to the lifestyle, but only if they respect the boundaries of others. It’s important to remember that while we might receive a lot of attention, we’re just another component of the lifestyle. The lifestyle existed before us, and it would continue without us.
Interestingly, no one ever asks what single men are looking for in the club—why the double standard? People often assume unicorns are after something more, but the truth is, I’m just looking for sex, the same as everyone else. I prefer the no-strings-attached variety. I don’t want a morning-after call, and I’m usually not interested in a repeat performance, no matter how great it was. I don’t need you to cuddle me or tell me I’m beautiful. I’m just here to enjoy my night out.
I understand that my openness can be intimidating to some women, but that doesn’t make me a slut or a whore. When I was in a relationship, I didn’t feel as free to explore as I do now. Perhaps that’s why it’s hard for some to relate, but it doesn’t give anyone the right to judge.
People often ask why I’m not out looking for someone of my own. It’s a valid question, but the truth is, I’m enjoying being on my own. When I’m ready for a relationship, I assure you, I won’t be looking for someone in a swing club. Maybe I’ll meet a nice single guy at a lifestyle event someday, but who knows? For now, I’m very happy being a unicorn, and I have no plans to change that anytime soon.
For those of you who are looking to meet others in the lifestyle you should be wearing lifestyle jewelry! I have met many people who spotted my jewelry! You can see it here:
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